This little book widely surpassed my expectations. It is very concise and easy to read and I particularly like that it is completely science-based. The author dives into a recap of the history of research on the topic of self-esteem.
In the 50′ Carl Rogers from the University of Chicago introduced the concept of self-esteem. His idea was that children should be raised in an environment of unconditional positive regard so that they could develop a positive image of themselves, which would lead to all sorts of positive outcomes in their life. If children develop high self-esteem, they would be successful.
Nathaniel Brand further developed Roger’s ideas in his book The psychology of self-esteem which became a best-seller, resulting in a mainstream movement of those ideas with all kinds of consequences in society, even political. A high self-esteem was expected to vaccinate people against the lures of crime, violence, substance abuse, teen pregnancy, child abuse, chronic welfare abuse and educational failure. As there was still no clinical evidence about the topic, the promoters of the self-esteem movement could easily brush aside the doubters.
Then Roy Baumeister entered the scene. He thought more research was needed and started his own research on the topic. In the mid 80’s he started to shift his previous stance on the matter. He found that the evidence that high self-esteem was the source of great outcomes and low self-esteem was the source of all kinds of trouble was rather weak.
The general consensus was that low self-esteem resulted in,among other things, aggressive and violent behavior. But inhis research Baumeister had found that people with low self-esteem were neither aggressive nor violent. On thecontrary, they were usually shy, timid, and unsure ofthemselves. They were not keen on taking chances, or inany other way standing out.
Baumeister started to research the matter further, and foundthat aggressive and violent people, ranging fromplayground bullies to criminals and even dictators, did nothave low self-esteem. Instead, they had a quite positiveimage of themselves, and in fact, by the definition of theterm at the time, a high self-esteem.
A controversy arose in which the other side argued that this type of self-esteem was in fact still low self-esteem making up for inadequacy. While there was some truth to that, Baumeister’s research also revealed a flaw. Encouraging people to think highly of themselves could not have the desired positive consequences and it even could have negative consequences.
When in 1999 Baumeister and his team was asked by the American Psychological Society to settle the matter of self-esteem once and for all by reviewing all the evidence, he soon found out more flaws in the earlier science.
One flaw was that, apart from factors such as grades, “success” was self-reported. So if a study subject claimed to view themselves favorably, they could also report that their relationships with other people was great, whether that was actually true or not. So the actual correlation between high self-esteem.
The research also showed that while there was to some degree a correlation between (some forms of) high self-esteem and, for example high grades, it was not the self-esteem that caused the high grades, it was the other way around!
The conclusion by Baumeister in 1999, which was also reinforced by some further research in the following years, was that focusing on boosting of children’s and adults’ self-esteem was not something we should be spending time, money or other resources on doing. At best, the positive effects were miniscule, and at worst the result could be “high” self-esteem that then manifested itself in negative ways such as negative or unethical behavior.
Meanwhile, another concept came up in psychology with a surprising similarity with ¨high¨ self-esteem, narcissism.
A realistic view of oneself is better than a narcissistic one
Believing in yourself is a good thing unless it edges on delusion. To understand what is meant by delusion you have to imagine that a person who feels highly of herself isn’t automatically getting good results. For example, the person could feel so entitled to have something that she refuses to do the work, learn, or do what is necessary to grow and develop. A realistic view of oneself would lead to better outcomes in most cases.
Baumeister’s research reveals that neither low nor high self-esteem is good. So what’s the alternative? Healthy Self-Esteem.
Healthy Self-Esteem
Bauman’s further research showed the solution to the dilemma. It turns out that healthy Self-Esteem is characterized by people who don’t think about these things at all.
It wasn’t ¨high¨ self-esteem that led to the good stuff mentioned before, it was the success that led to a high self-esteem.
But what if we can’t reach success? Are we destined to feel bad about ourselves? It turns out that we must dig a little deeper into what healthy self-esteem means. We can easily see that self-esteem dependent on external factors is bad because we might not be able to achieve them. Is it possible to have high, or healthy levels of self-esteem without the approval of outside factors such as success and other people?
The answers is yes! Psychologists Richard M. Ryan and Edward L. Deci have found the answer, they call it non-contingent self-esteem. That means, not dependent on outcomes or external factors.
While the two are different, what separates them from each other is not whether we think of ourselves as having a high or a low value. While people with contingent self-esteem do see their worth as being dependent on reaching certain standards and certain goals, so that they can be held in high regard by others, their main characteristic is that they are preoccupied with questions of worth and esteem. In other words, they have a strong inwards focus, and are often caught up in thoughts about whether they are “good enough” or not.
People with non-contingent self-esteem also often have certain goals and standards they want to meet, however the concept of their own worth or value simply isn’t that important to them. It turns out that instead of trying to raise their own self-worth by how they think about themselves, they turn their attention to actions and behavior that satisfy their basic needs.
Thus, people with healthy (non-contingent) self-esteem do not pay much attention to thoughts about their value, instead they are engaged in their relationships, tasks and projects.In the words of Ryan, “healthy [self-esteem] is not about judging one’s worth as a whole”.
If you have a healthy self-esteem you can fail at something without it having a negative impact on your sense of worth, while succeeding won’t inflate your ego. People with a healthy self-esteem don’t pay much attention to their value, rather they focus on meaningful goals.
I hope the information in this little book revolutionised our understanding as muchas it did mine.
Very interesting! Thank you for writing this.
For me too it changed completely how I think about this topic.
Thank you for reading! 🙂